I think one of the things that keeps me and this blog alive is the ability to be completely transparent with how I feel and what I go through. It doesn’t have to be always a “wow” moment that is being shared here. So I’m going to be completely transparent and say that my saboteur has kicked in and I can hear him very well whispering soothing, seductive, and numbing words to my
body mind to stray it away from what is best for me; that is, the stranger beyond my own knowledge and experience who I have fallen in love with for the way he stretched me for the sole purposes of growth, excitement in life, and achievement.
The aliveness that I left London with was a compilation of various emotions ranging from joy to enthusiasm. I felt stretched involuntarily with acceptance that this is all going to be good for me. I felt seduced slowly into an adventure. I felt my power. As I type all this, I realize that I was being lead by a flow that I trusted rather than me leading the flow. I think it felt more like someone giving me wings to fly with until I decided to jump off a cliff without the use of these wings because I knew I could trust my heart and my mind. What I find to be interesting as I continue to type this blog post is how much I do not trust my own mind at times like these. I feel like I am being lead by a dark sinister realm that disguises itself as a protector or guardian. There is no wisdom in that.
I have woken up ONCE at a time where I felt I had had enough sleep and was ready to embrace the day in order to completely and continuously step into my power that brought light into the way I live and pushing that living towards my vision as Khaled. My Hour of Power had turned slowly into a Whole Day of Bleh. The right question to ask here is: Where does this all start? And the answer is simple: The FIRST action that I perform determines the rest of the day for me. If I wake up with no excitement for my day and more love for that warm feeling of sleep, then I am obviously diminishing my own energy for the whole day. What am I running away from? The effort and emptiness that I get, the physical pain of waking up, and the effort of the whole day. I am associating and justifying everything and anything relating to waking up to feeling tired and inadequate of living my day fully. What is doing to me during the day? Practically a lot because I feel almost no energy or excitement running through my body or even my soul, I feel no will to move on and instead create stories of how “awesome” I am, I fill every single moment with details and words rather than actions, I question the stranger who is my best friend and powerful true self of me, and I remain unmoved. Hell, this attitude is taking me away from losing weight and getting that body that I want! When I wake up at 9 or 10 am, I am losing 3 good hours of enjoyment during the day which I am blessed to have because I am still not engaged in any form of employment or work. I KNOW with my heart that I am going to miss having the whole day to myself with no professional commitments whatsoever that take me away from what I value the most; TIME!! You know what? I even feel less sexy with this attitude. I feel undeserving of a great day and self love. With this lifestyle, I’m not a loving, honest, caring, simple, dedicated LEADER! I am not even the definition of a follower who is a learner from leaders, but rather I am the perfect definition of a VICTIM, the unmovable slice of death that approaches its end quite tragically without emotion!
How’s THAT for an association to the “love” for sleep??
With that being typed, what association MUST I HAVE & BELIEVE IN to flip this whole thing around so that I can step into my power as a leader and more so as the true, authentic, confident, simple, sexy, seductive, attractive, determined, loving, powerful Khaled? As completely opposed to the above, there is so much beauty in waking up and watching the sunrise after praying to God in gratitude for all his grace upon me. And while the world sleeps, I am awake building and cultivating so much energy to use for embracing the day as it comes. What will this cultivation look or feel like? Like a power ball that spins vigorously in the palms of my hands under my control and to be used slowly and effectively… Like seduction. It feels like I am seducing things into my world. THAT is leadership. I was born a leader and meant to live authentically as Khaled.
WHAT way of living did I promise to commit to since Tuesday, the 8th of November 2011?
- Morning Hour of Power: Waking up early, Moving and breathing, Gratitude, Visualization, Incantations, Quick workout
- Evening Hour of Power (P90X/Insanity)
- Simplicity of things
- Being authentic and true to myself
- Enjoying myself: Friends, family, singing in the shower, DJ-ing, laughter, creating workout groups
The question remains the same: Did I commit to that list 100%? The answer is no. Then it’s time to muscle up and cut the crap before it hits the fan again!
P.S: I want new gym shorts.